Saturday, September 15, 2012

Something to think about

The past two years has been nothing but a blur. My mom diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma and going thru the tough chemotherapy; then my dad is found to have gastric cancer at the start of 2012; and just couple months ago moms lymphoma came back, and this time they recommend she do the stem cell transplant that will save her life in the long term but will be a very very rough procedure and recovery short term.
It really isn't easy to be staying home and acting as the caregiver for two sick parents. Especially in my current sit when I'm in my 30s and in desperate need of a job and a life of my own, I really have zilch to show for the past seven years since leaving college. I had big dreams, but they all got derailed and for what? To be a couch potato and a lug nut living off my parents and drowning in self-pity? Hey, I never said this aloud, but my parents are partly at fault for the way things have turned out.
And now I'm caring for them and putting up with their occasional fits and childish whinings, and not getting much glory out of it. I'm no Mother Teresa that's certain.
But on the other end of it this time has given me plenty to think about, a bit of self reflection. I almost feel like I'm not quite the same person that I was two years ago. In a way this recent ordeal has opened my eyes and made me really look into myself, who I am what is my deal in this life and how will I be planning to move forward from all this. I known that sometimes it takes a crash to wake you up, and I think that's what's going on with me right now.
Rather than sit and mope about what should have been, I ought to take this chance to make amends with my parents, a way to give back to them for raising me and putting up with my craziness for the past 30 years, to be thankful for what I have and that i am actually quite better off as it is, and to rethink my path for the next 30 tears. I am constantly reminded of what I had written in my grade school yearbook, what my future plan was gonna be. And oh, how I've strayed away from it since. I am on my way to rekindling that plan I set 20 years ago. What that is, it's another story...
I got no drawing to share today, only this photo I had saved on this iPod. I tell you, lately this guy's been giving me nightmares... >_<;;

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